I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
