Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
