Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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