Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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