Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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