Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
