I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
