Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
