we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dating After Heartbreak
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?