Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes