She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.