I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
