Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize