Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD