Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
