i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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