its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
third nipple confirmed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
