naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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