I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
