I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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