she looked like the before picture.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
