I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
