Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize