hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
