What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
