Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
