my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
