He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Couch. On fire.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
