I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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