At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
