On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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