When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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