So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's just like the Real World with babies
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
