Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
