Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
