I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
