I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
