Can i not drive my cunt home
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
