you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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