So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
