My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
