I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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