i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
