So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize