you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
