im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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