I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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