sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
