quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
