So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
