I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
