You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
