Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
