I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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