i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
