just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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