You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
