I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
