If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
