she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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