Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Randomize
