You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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