we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
