just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
