I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
