You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
