All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize