Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You left your phone here
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