You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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