I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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