What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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