turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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