I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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