remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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