Don't make out with my wife yet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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