been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
