Do you still have your period?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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