So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
