a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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