I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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