And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
