don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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